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I was lucky to grow up with two parents who pushed me and my brothers equally to achieve our goals in life.You’d have a lot of solo people standing in corners at bars as if they were middle-schoolers at a mixer.But people stop applauding my get-shit-done personality and say that I’m trying “too hard” when we’re talking about one particular aspect of my world: my dating life. Their advice is that I should stop trying so hard, and that I’ll find love when I stop looking for it. But, for me, waiting for a relationship to fall into my lap is unnatural, because I have wanted to find love ever since I saw The advice to “stop looking” completely contradicts how ambitious people are generally taught to behave.

Thanks to therapy, I came to the understanding that I probably won’t stop looking for love until I find it — and that’s totally fine.

So I stopped listening to the people who told me I was trying “too hard” and started feeling more confident in my search.

Being “aggressive” makes me feel like I’m putting myself in a position to allow love into my life, which is important to me.

And sure, I don’t think everyone who repeats the advice, “You’ll find love when you stop looking for it,” is trying to put down the person they’re talking to.

In my early 20s, my ambitious side would try to fix the things that I felt might be holding me back from achieving what I wanted.