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Pure is an app for those that want to enjoy Tinder but are too embarrassed or shy to put themselves out there.Or who just want to hide the evidence that they’re into online hook-ups.

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Using the microphone and ‘accelerometer’ to determine an accurate score, the app claims “All you have to do is start the application, put your i Phone on the bed, in an arm band, or even in your pocket and have intercourse, it is as easy as that.

Once you are finished, press the stop button and view your results.” Romantic.

What if you’re not rich enough for Seeking Arrangement or Personal Dating Assistants, but still want to bribe your way to a date. “Online dating is a superficial game” says Carrot Dating, but promises “With Carrot Dating, you won’t get rejected before you even get a chance.

Convince singles that spending time with you is worth it by making them an offer that they simply cannot refuse” It’s like The Godfather – but you know, for lonely, desperate creeps.

A bit like how Jordan writes all her books, but for sex.